Gene Koser

A name for the newest problem

Dad with favorite hospice nurse, Sherri, and dog, Buddy. Buddy has been so worried about dad. Yesterday he came into the bedroom and rested his head on dad's arm.

We now have a name for dad's newest set of problems...Hepatic Encephalopathy. With severe liver impairment, toxic substances normally removed by the liver accumulate in the blood and impair the function of brain cells. One of the first things you see with this is day-night reversal, which we have seen for a long time..he's awake at night and sleeps during the day. The other thing you see with this is paranoia, confusion, etc. They have put dad on a new medication that will help block the toxins from getting to the brain cells. Please pray with us that it will work. It is very difficult, if not impossible, to re-orient or try to reason with him at times. I know this is not how dad would want to spend his final days here on earth. He would be devastated if he knew some of the things he's said and done. We know it's not really dad, but it's still  hard to see him like this.

Mom and Tammy are both exhausted as they were up  a lot of the night with him. They are all (Tam, mom, and dad) resting quietly right now. As a praise, Uncle Dave decided to stay on a little bit longer. We are grateful for his help and support!

More of the same...

Dad and Dave sitting on the front porch yesterday after a "battle of the wills"...dad won...he was determined to go outside where temps were only in the 50's!

Dad and Mom had a relatively good night. They slept off and on. This morning there is still lots of confusion, but right now he is resting comfortably. Mom said in the middle of the night the other night, dad prayed multiple times saying "Lord, I love you so much" and "Lord, please help me". Last night, he really wanted to have a bath in the jet tub, but if you've ever seen Rick and Tam's bathtub, you would have thought there is no way! It's a very deep garden tub, but somehow Dave and Rick worked together to get him down in the tub and back out again. He absolutely loved it! I"m sure it felt so good to him.

Another Day...

Psalm 55:22 says "Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall." There are many more promises just like that one in the book of Psalms that we are clinging on to right now. These are difficult days with dad. There really is not much change today; he's weak, not sleeping well, very confused, frustrated and just not himself. It is becoming harder and harder to handle him/take care of him. He continues to tell us that he is not afraid to go, but he feels badly for the family, that we have to grieve his death. This is hard for him, as is what Michael said the other day about the house not selling and there being "unfinished busines". Please continue to pray for peace for him and just that he can have the knowledge that God is enough for us too. He will take care of each one of us after dad is gone and will be a source of comfort to us.

Holding On

(Mom & Dad - this morning)

He is doing fairly well this morning, although still confused.  Didn't sleep great last night.  Mom either. He does not want to get in bed and we believe that he feels like if he gets in the bed that he will initiate (by going into the bed) the final dying process.  He's not scared to die.  He says that repeatedly, but he's not ready to go because he believes there is unfinished business.  He was crying while talking to the Hospice nurse this morning telling her that he's not ready to go yet, because the house in Florida is not sold and Mom's not moved into the condo in Wooster.  The nurse told us that it is common for a terminal patient, like Dad, to hold on, to fight death until they feel like loose ends are tied up. 

So prayer requests today - peace for Dad...that he will sleep and rest comfortably and that he will feel like he can let go even if the house in Fla doesn't sell.  That God will continue to sustain Mom.  She needs sleep and supernatural energy that can only come from the Holy Spirit. And again, that during these remaining days Dad and Mom will have peaceful, clear moments of togetherness that Mom can store in her heart for years to come until she and Dad are reunited in Heaven.

In the middle of the night last night, God blessed Mom with one of those moments.  Right around 2 in the morning Dad told Mom, "you need to get some sleep Sharon."  She crawled into bed and Dad took the covers off of the other bed in the room and pulled them up over Mom (no small feat).  He then placed his hand gently behind Mom's neck and whispered, "I love you honey."

Still Confused

Dad is still VERY confused today, still wired, and not able to sleep. BUT he does know each one of us and is still praising the Lord! He developed a fever last night that they now think is due to a unrinary tract infection. Hospice nurse is coming today...please pray that together we will have wisdom in knowing what exactly is best for dad and how we can give him quality of life.

Prayer Request

Right now, Dad is wired.  He has been for quite some time.  He can't settle down.  He has hallucinations, pretty severe paranoia and cannot, will not sleep.

Please pray that God will quiet is mind, soul, spirit.  Pray that he sleeps.  And please pray for some semblance of clarity.  It's so hard to see him spend his remaining weeks on this earth completely untethered from reality.

This is Michael speaking, honestly, I have been praying that if God has chosen not to heal him that he would graciously, mercifully and peacefully take him to glory.  I'm not sure if that's how I should pray or if that's how God would want me to pray, but I can only speak from my heart.  I don't want Dad to suffer.

Thanks for traveling this road with us.

God is Sovereign

Well, it was quite an interesting evening in the Koser household. They decided to give dad the same meds they had given him the night before that allowed him to sleep so soundly, but before he went to bed, he got it in his head that he needed to go upstairs. Rick and Tam have a loft, but there are probably 20 steps that curve up to the loft. So, he climbed the steps, sat in the loft for 20minutes or so and climbed back down. He then went to sleep from about 10pm-4am. He got up briefly at 4 and slept for another hour before he was up and wide awake. He talked non-stop for 4 hours; very random, very crazy things. In fact, mom wrote down everything he was saying (4 pages worth) so she could show us all the crazy things he had been saying. He thought mom was an "imposter". When she wanted to kiss him to show him that it was really her, he said something like "how would that look? I only kiss my wife". I was rolling with laughter at some of the things he said, but thru all of that craziness, he was still showing his love for God. At one point, he said "God is sovereign" and he kept praising the name of Jesus. Finally around 7am, he went outside their bedroom and told mom he was gonna settle this once and for all and he hollered for Rick to come identify "this imposter". Rick came upstairs and tried to assure dad that is was truly mom/Sharon and it took 45 minutes for him to settle down. He ate some breakfast and was going to head back to bed.

We just never know how he is going to react to the medicines that they give him. It is very much up and down for him. Please continue to pray that God will give us strength to face each trial and wisdom in knowing how to handle them! We heard from Randy and Sue, and they are back safe and sound from Africa...so this is a big answer to prayer! This week will you pray a special prayer for our children (dad's grandchildren)? Dad has a special bond with each one of them, and I know this journey has been hard on them too.

A Good Night's Sleep!!

Randy, Mom, Rick, Dad, and Mark at Aunt Dar's wedding in 1965 (a brand new family themself).

Bill, Tammy's dad, cutting dad's hair yesterday.

Praise God, they had a wonderful night's sleep. Dad slept soundly from about 10pm-6am! Then he awoke with severe pain after not having any pain meds thru the night. It was so good for both of them to get good rest, though! He is pretty weak today, but doing pretty well. He enjoyed a haircut yesterday as you can see from the pic above.

He is resting comfortably right now.

Dad with Honey the cat, and Buddy the dog.

Dad with brother, Dave, and sister, Dar...together for the first time in over 7 years.

Prayer

Many of you have seen the little monthly devotional books entitled Our Daily Bread. Today's devotional was about how prayer is a way that we can connect with the God of the universe. The little poem at the end of the devotion is : "God answers prayer, it is His soverign way, To freely give His blessings day by day; One earnest plea and lo! from heaven's throne the answer comes, for God has heard His own."

We wanted to share with you one example of how God has directly answered a simple prayer for dad. Yesterday, he badly wanted to call and talk to his good friend and former pastor, Chuck Holmes. He kept telling mom how they needed to give him a call. Not long after he mentioned that did the phone ring, and lo and behold, it was Chuck! Dad was so elated and so choked up, he couldn't even talk to Chuck but to mumble a few words, but Chuck prayed with dad over the phone and the two of them were able to share how much their friendship means to one another.

If you look back over the blog, you will see time and time again how God has answered prayers, big and small, for our family during this journey. We feel incredibly blessed to have so many of you lifting us up before the Throne. And while we are on the subject, many of you have been answers to prayer too by sending cards, emails, phone calls, visits, meals, etc! We are extremely grateful for the love and support that has been given to us! May God bless each one of you for being a blessing to us!